Being selfish means you love, protect and respect yourself.
In case of an air emergency put on your oxygen mask first!
If you don't heal yourself first, you will bleed all over the people that come into your space.
But I can't forget.
You should never forget what has happened to you if you do you won't understand the pain of others. You will become hardened and emotionless.
But I can't forgive.
You do not have to forgive the people that hurt you in order to heal yourself.
Give yourself permission to forget about them for now, This is about YOU.
First, forgive yourself and say "okay I was hurt", I know it .
You do not have to forgive the person (s) that hurt you. Often times the persons don't feel they did anything wrong to you and don't want you to feel they need forgiveness.
So please get over the seeming piousness of "I forgive them". Forgive you for allowing ( provided you could help it) the abuse to continue once you recognized it.
Forgive you for not having the strength to leave right away.
Forgive you and say it's "okay now, I got this". You don't owe the people that hurt you any consideration. Don't try to save or help them see where they are wrong. They often already know or want to know who do you think you are to counsel them!
So perhaps now you are getting the point. Rehashing what they did and going over and over it again and again just embeds it deeper into your mind.
It makes a deeper and sometimes new pathways in your brain. So at some point, you visit sites that moves you on instead of rehashing every little abuse. We all have to Improve and move forward not backward.
I advocate prayer and getting a personal relationship with God. I can only at this point tell you what worked for me and for others.
There are many that feel you can't study and read the Bible without being in a church or studying out of a series of books written by one man or reading magazines and books from one religious source. That is not true.
The Bible has 66 books that have messages in not only every sentence but every word and in Hebrew every letter, dot, up under and between even in blank spaces! It's unbelievable.
You won't live long enough to completely understand everything in the Bible before the world passes away.
But you can try it!
Matt 5:18: "I tell you the truth until heaven and earth disappear, not even the smallest detail of God’s law will disappear until its purpose is achieved."
Why spend so much time thinking about what your former religion, spouse, friends are still doing within their structure.
If you keep up with everything that is happening in your former abusive situation you will not heal. It is like a cow that regurgitates their food over and over again to get every little nutrient from it.
You don't want to be feed by your former abusers. You don't want to ruminate and regurgitate up all the old and "New Light" teachings.
It is okay to not go around a family that causes you mental harm. Surround yourself with those that don't harm you. For now, make new friends that can stick closer than a brother sometimes. It hurts, but your family has abandoned you. You didn't abandon them. They have rights also and one of them is not to be bothered with you if they feel it harms them.
Sobering isn't it? So healing yourself is what you are left with.
My what a wonderful journey that can be! You are now free to be SELFISH!
You can take care of you! Cry! Scream! Jump for Joy!
Get on your knees and Praise, Thank and Worship God!
Ask for His help and Jesus will take it to HIM and plead for you then receive and accept the help from the Holy Spirit!
Ask questions here or just read the articles, comments and go to the bottom of the page to acquaint yourself with other's ideas and acknowledgment that you were abused, others were too.
May God be with you.
PS: Please accept and remember everyone here is healing and their thoughts are what they see. Finally right or wrong they can say it without fear.
Please read the Mission statement to understand our goal is to help by showing you that you have a voice, too.