A Different Perspective with Jeff Woz

This is my story, my journey by Jeff Woz

This was an interview given on Saturday, April 14, 2012
The Six Screens of the Watchtower
Telephone Conference Call
7 pm EST
Hosted by Richard Rawe

I was introduced and instead of a simple hour-long question and answer format, I elected just to tell my story. This was a similar story I gave at a Catholic Retreat weekend (2009). The story that I gave at that Retreat was highly received even one member who I knew from childhood came up to me telling me wow what a story that it was better than his. I was then asked to give it again 6 months later at the next retreat with an update so I thought I would elect to recreate it some on this Six Screens interview. When I finished, Richard Rawe asked me some things to finish the hour then phone lines where opened up for comments from listeners that I believe streamed from around the world. Rick Fearon of the Six Screens of the Watchtower came on and said that during my story of hearing the experiences that I went through kept both him and his wife on the edge of their seats listening. I believe that he or someone also commented wow another victim of the Watchtower Organization.

This was an interview given on Saturday, April 14, 2012
The Six Screens of the Watchtower
Telephone Conference Call
7 pm EST
Hosted by Richard Rawe

I was introduced and instead of a simple hour-long question and answer format, I elected just to tell my story. This was a similar story I gave at a Catholic Retreat weekend (2009). The story that I gave at that Retreat was highly received even one member who I knew from childhood came up to me telling me wow what a story that it was better than his. I was then asked to give it again 6 months later at the next retreat with an update so I thought I would elect to recreate it some on this Six Screens interview. When I finished, Richard Rawe asked me some things to finish the hour then phone lines where opened up for comments from listeners that I believe streamed from around the world. Rick Fearon of the Six Screens of the Watchtower came on and said that during my story of hearing the experiences that I went through kept both him and his wife on the edge of their seats listening. I believe that he or someone also commented wow another victim of the Watchtower Organization.

Here is the
Richard Rawe Interview

Hello: I am Jeff

I lived all my life of 54 years (now 56) in N.W. Indiana with 5 siblings. I was never married. I am #2 in line with 2 brothers & 3 sisters. My Folks who are based in Catholic faith started us kids in school here at a Catholic School. My youngest 2 siblings are twins and they started them in public schools. Something to do with keeping them in separate classrooms so they wouldn’t compete with each other. I had Nuns as teachers for 3 of those grades of 1 thru 6. My 2nd-grade teacher had a son who became a Priest.

14 days after I was born, I was baptized into the Catholic faith.
I received my first communion in October of 1966.
I was confirmed in May of 1967 by a Catholic Bishop.

My mother who grew up as Methodist converted to be Catholic when she married my Dad. My Dad’s Mother insisted they shared in the same faith so my Mother took some instructions which led to her final conversion. I believe that satisfied my Dad’s Mother. My closest Great Grandparents on my Dad’s Mother’s side immigrated from Poland in 1903 and are devoted Catholics so the tradition carried on. Recently I learned that my Mom’s Dad who died in 1944 was born in England.

When my Dad was growing up into his teen years, his Mother used the saying that she would not do his laundry and other things for him if he would not go to Church. When he grew older and married and had us, kids, he did not go to Mass regularly but only on special occasions. This was a rebellious act in his adulthood because of his Mother’s ways of getting him to go to Church. Us kids did not have the proper Catholic upbringing and instruction as some devoted Catholic families have. We were kind of on our own as what we want to believe in and where to grow in religious faith.

When I went through my first communion with confirmation soon afterward, at this time I did not actually know how important it was as to our faith. It was like I was being pushed through the motions because of what was expected of family obligations, expectations, and Catholic School class requirements.

In my childhood years, my Mother got involved in religious education for the younger children in the parish. Later she was put in charge of it. She used old classrooms formerly used for 1st grade at our old school. Back then while parents were at Mass next door the children were at religious ed. My Dad, however, was not the Churchgoer then; therefore did not take us to Mass. He was not there when he could have been instructing us in Catholic ways as the head of the family should be.

The following was learned while being a Jehovah’s Witness that I like to quote.
In 2nd Timothy, chapter 3 it says “that from infancy you have known the sacred scriptures” and “is useful for teaching, for refutation, for correction, and for training in righteousness; and in Ephesians, chapter 6 “Fathers,” “bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord”; and in Proverbs, chapter 6 “Train a boy in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not swerve from it.”; and finally in Deuteronomy, chapter 6 “Drill them into your children. Speak of them at home and abroad, whether you are busy or at rest”.

All 4 of these scriptures meaning, Teach the scriptures to your children.

( in 2nd Tim 3:15-17, in Eph. 6:4, in Prov. 22:6, and finally Deut. 6:7)

My mother was so involved in religious education at the Church with other kids that we kid Siblings did not receive the same attention so our spiritual needs were not being looked after by bible duties that Parents have for the upbringing of children. Again I repeat “we were on our own”. My Siblings however really did not further into any Religious Faith on their own; only when a situation arises then go to a Church or by an invitation.

Once out of Catholic schools and into the Public School system from grades 7 through 12 my faith in being Catholic, my participation and attendance at Church went down to nearly nothing. I then was leading towards a worldly immoral type of life I was beginning to loathe and feel I was helpless to control. For 30 yrs, I battled this. In time I developed an obsessive-compulsive type personality. A sign of a perfectionist. It seemed I had to be perfect to please everyone to be accepted, liked and loved not aware that the one I really need to please is GOD.

Before those initial first jobs, I led a sheltered life and now working in a Jail environment has opened me up to the reality of the world that I was not ready and trained for. I had somewhat of a put people-first attitude in a way similar (as in Gal 6:2). It was like I was sharing and bearing their burdens. But some people abused my generosity. People had manipulated me at times and succeeded it at some of those times. A Jail environment is a haven for being manipulated. Being naive I fell to people's tricks and deceptions for their own gain which I was continuously being taken advantaged of without any gratitude.

On July 13 of 1991, I was on a dive rescue of a teen on the southern shores of Lake Michigan and I ended up saving my soon to be ex-brother-in-law also a member of the dive rescue team from drowning. The waters were extremely bad. The undertow was very intense. (compare Psalms chapter 42 in the latter part of verse 8 “all your waves and breakers sweep over me” and I then asked like ‘in verse 4‘ “where is my God?”) but I kept my cool (like silently praying to God for help) and used what I was trained in to stay away from the undertow and get him to shore. It was like Jonah in the belly of a fish ready to be vomited onto dry land. In the meantime, a Coast Guard helicopter was en route to pull us out if needed. I finally got my brother-in-law out without any further assistance from dive training I had learned. The teen was recovered 2 days later when the water finally calmed down. The only other thing recovered was my weight belt which I let go 2 days earlier to stay alive and on top of the water away from the undertow.

I was even betrayed in my opinion by a former Sheriff in the late ’80s for a proper promotion but that’s another story.

Some years later I learned from a retiring supervisor that a certain former Sheriff held me back for his own gain. Something I suspected for some time. I had been doing it seems like double the work of others and some of this work was detailed technical work. This was the era before computers not the computer type technical work today. Through the betrayal from the Sheriff, he had been lying to me and about me and caught him.
I did Jail Investigations even to the point of outdoing a type of investigation that Road Officers had difficulty doing out in the field. An investigation where charges were filed by me alone and I was in Court at a later time to see the subject get the maximum sentence. This experience is very similar in ways that are in Daniel chapter 13 (New American Bible edition) to me.

Losing me from the Jail would make the Jail Division suffer the loss of a very skilled person with no one ever capable to take my place. Do you think I may have been too valuable to promote to another area? Something to think about. As I attempted to apply to other outside departments, the Sheriff did the same by cleverly putting some doubt in their minds of my actual qualifications and potential. When tested for an outside department at one time, I scored a 99 out of a 100 on their timed aptitude test. They advised that no one would be able to finish the test but I did and even managed to get a 99.

My Dad at least brought me up to respect the Police and learned through bible scripture later as a Jehovah’s Witness to be in subjection to the Superior Authorities because they are put there by God. (as stated in 1 Peter 2:13&17, and Romans 13:1) At this time how can I respect them when they lie to me.

When the Sheriff ran for re-election, he lost big time to an Indiana State Officer. He was dumbfounded and could not understand why he lost even to a point shaking his head. I learned through time that this Sheriff also took other people the citizens for granted without gratitude and thanks and the people of the county remembered it at election time.

Working at a Jail let me see the more negative side of life. I had to deal with drunks, drug addicts, saw domestic problems, thieves, liars, murderers, and the sort. On rare occasions, we got active and former Jehovah’s Witnesses. Some I knew and I had to deal with them there. I even brought some Society Magazines to them while they were in our Jail. Approval by Elders also for taking some to Disfellowshipped Witnesses. One non-witness whose ex-wife became a Witness refused to deal with me or speak to me because I was a Witness. As a supervisor in the Intake area, I needed to take me out of the picture and had to assign someone else to deal with him as not to excel in the situation because of the hatred he had for me as a Witness - not as a Deputy.

I even had to deal with Jail suicides and deaths right in front of me. I saw more than a normal person. I was turned off to alcohol in time and I never liked what drugs do to you. I had to become in time a man without feeling. My heart was becoming hard and closed. I felt I needed some balance in my life so I returned to church more often. I attended most Sunday Masses that I can. I was asked in time to be a Lector so I said “yes”. I first lectured at our former Church building. I was not a public speaking type of guy back then. Lecturing is reading usually one scripture from the O.T. and one from the N.T.

One Sunday Mass a Deacon was proceeding up the aisle and needed a lector and he caught sight of me and gestured and I stepped in procession without practice and readiness. I got through it. That was my first time without the practice of how it should be read with feeling. From then on I was ready to step up when needed.

In time we went to our current Church building that was recently been built (the late 80‘s). I was asked to run for Parish Council which I served for 3 years with the last year as Vice-President. I was even approached and asked if I would consider being a Deacon. A pre-step to Priesthood. But I did not think that was the balance I was searching for. I did not feel the calling as it is called.

At that time I felt inadequate and unfilled as a Catholic. I asked myself “is there anything more to learn and do within my growth of spirituality and understanding of scripture?”. All I was doing was going to Mass and that’s it just like everybody else. There was not any type of ministries or bible type studies that I know of I could have attended then. I was thirsty for God’s word not just by reading or hearing at Mass but also with some type of study or group discussion.

Then I met a young woman who was very conscious of her religious upbringing. Her dad is Catholic while her mom a Jehovah’s Witness. She preferred her mom’s faith and was steadfast in it but not baptized yet. We began to compare and share our two different bibles and I began to think this may be what I am looking for. This young woman and I shared scriptures and in a short time, we went to meetings at the Kingdom Hall. We had to keep this from her dad who was very objectionable. We would tell him that we were going to the mall or a movie but in reality, we were heading to the Kingdom Hall after a change of dress clothes elsewhere. When I picked her up from her home, I first go to her bedroom window where she was waiting. She would throw out a bag of her dress clothes to me. I then would put them in my car and then go to the front door as nothing ever happened. We left not letting her dad on as what we had planned. After attending a few initial meetings, it led to a personal bible study with a Brother about my age either at his home or mine. He seemed to know the bible very well and gave me a good impression I was on the right track. The young woman friend who earlier we had compared our two bibles together did come along a lot and the Brother’s wife a Sister conducted a study with her in another room. Her mother was aware and OK with this.

God’s word started to come alive to me. It appeared that the words sharper than a two-edged sword became flesh like it was penetrating every part of my body (as in Heb 4:12). Brothers explained deeply what the word meant. I wanted and obsessed in everlasting life and I searched the scriptures because I thought I would have eternal life through them but I still was not coming to him and letting him in. (John 5:39,40) During public talks, a topic was discussed and many scriptures were brought into the talk. It is as I was asking God to place his words into my mouth so I can devour it as in Jeremiah chapters 1 and 15.

I got to know the bible very well and knew where to go to each book exactly. The New World Translation bible has books missing that are in the Catholic bible even chapters missing in at least one book. In the nearly 10 yrs I was there, I have been exposed to more scriptures than ever and it started to take a toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally because of this slow ever-developing obsessive-compulsive type personality. It was like scripture overload. I lost the ability to meditate on them and apply them to my daily life. I believe my type of personality was keeping me within the Jehovah’s Witnesses especially with an Organization as it is and making it worst on me but I continued on. It was the obsession part of the personality. I was having problems putting on that new personality as in (Eph. 4:22-24)

I was baptized on November 5th of 2004. I would have been baptized much earlier but there was an issue with me and my employment. I was employed with our County Sheriff’s Dept and besides being in uniform, I carried a service revolver. Our local Elders said I could not get baptized if I remain carrying a sidearm for employment. After several years of bible study lessons in many books, my bible study Brother after getting cleared talked to ones at Bethel about the issue. Bethel said I can get baptized, go out in service, do what I can remember the # 2 & # 4 talks at the Ministry school but I can not hold any positions as a Ministerial Servant or Elder.

Soon I worked on getting with three separate elders to go over the many (150 or so) questions towards baptism. After that, I was baptized that November of 2004 at the next assembly. It was like déjà vu as being pushed through the motions again even though I had some trouble answering some questions so the Congregation can have another baptized Brother with them probably for a statistical aspect.

Six months after being baptized in that faith, my Dad passed away in May of 2005. At his Catholic Funeral, I had to watch the way I was interacting in the Service for I was a Witness. Some Elders reminded me of some things before I went. More family responsibility and duties were put onto my shoulders. The day before his death at VNA Hospice, my Dad asked one thing of me to take care of Mom and pay the taxes. This I learned through scripture at meetings a responsibility to the aged ones meaning your parents and the paying of taxes. (as in Romans 13:6&7, and 1 Timothy 5:3-8) I am glad I know that today. My Mom is 80 years old and she needs help and a watchful eye.

At that time I essentially had taken on as caregiver for my Mother who has mobility and dementia issues. Being there and living there before and after my Dad’s passing left my Siblings to think everything is the same as always even though Dad is gone. They still think they do not need to be involved now as before. Even my Siblings have been taking me for granted for years. They all still keep their distance as before so I take care of all the family estate and see to her needs as I am accustomed to do as usual. I think this may be keeping me from self-improvement and going on with life like others. I am looking after my mom basically 24/7. My Siblings do not know what a Caregiver goes through. We do have some paid help but it is very minimal time that is involved. My mother is afraid to ask her other kids for help knowing they would not really be there for her in a timely fashion. My Mother even says to me that she knows what I am going through. At times she feels guilty for counting on me too much. She even cries for me. My work advised me that I qualified for the family leave act if I needed to use it. I remained working.

About 2 years ago, two of my sisters did step in to assist our mother more with some help when she had been admitted to the hospital for 9 days and then transferred to a Nursing Home for a 2-month rehab stay. During that 2 month stay, I had to work mostly on my own to make our home more safe for our Mother by putting in new special carpeting and flooring. I have Siblings of two local brothers and one sister who had lived in Atlanta and now with a very recent move to Cincinnati do not assist much at all. (My Mother has now been home ever since then and I feel I have the same duties if not more as before.)

My work performance and ethics suffered. I was surrounded by so many negative things that I was weak and unable to apply bible instructions into my life. I went to my Elders in the congregation for help on an issue (like a confession). The first time they saw how repentant I was and a Reproof or Reproved was announced at the next meeting before the Congregation. One Elder worked with me with articles but because of his personality, it was not helping. The Elder was not a professional in handling such assistance. The problem issue continued and I went to them again for help two months later. I asked myself “what is going on with me?”. “I did not want to be this way.” It was like I was in a scandal that I could not see it. After a second judicial hearing, I was put outside (disfellowshipped) from the Congregation in total shock and embarrassment. I was in the Elders room while another Congregation Sunday meeting was going on. After being told I was disfellowshipped I was led out the side door and had to walk onto the grass to my car. I did appeal the decision and met with them again some weeks later with three outside Elders from other Congregations with the three original Elders in attendance. They reconfirmed the decision. An observation while sitting at the Elders table was this brown plastic box the size you would store magazines in. As a Law Enforcement Officer trained in certain matters (observing things) my first thought what’s the purpose of it sitting there? I then thought of two things. Number 1 was it a firearm in case I went mental and number 2 was it a tape recorder to record the hearing for future use if needed since none of the Original Elders observed a judicial decision being appealed and what may happen afterward.

This meant that even though I can still go to meetings that I can not have any contact or fellowship with members there or outside until I get reinstated in good standing which could take time.

One Elder said at one time looking straight at me with a strange look saying “that it could take years and years to get reinstated“. This same Elder knew of my obsessive problem and wondered if I could turn that around and use it to serve Jehovah and the organization. After a while, I thought of that but that could be dangerous in doing because the type of obsession and compulsion was not a healthy one. You should not obsessively dangerously serve Jehovah but only from what you can give and do with your heart and normal strength. These Elders would not even suggest to me to seek some type of outside help because of their beliefs and only the Bible is where you get help. I started to have some concerns about their authoritative structure and the ways they handle the flock. It looked like they wanted to have complete control of you and your life. They try to pry into your personal life to see if you are holding the faith. They are so obsessed about keeping their congregation clean. They keep detailed records on you even your transgressions even before being baptized while in a bible study with a Brother reporting confidential conversation to them. They were treating me as an evil man ready to corrupt the Congregation but I would not consider doing so and bring them within my issues even corrupting them. My confessed transgression never involved any Witnesses. They left me without any support system.

After reviewing the certain scriptures that pertain to putting people outside the congregation reference my situation, I came to realize in my opinion and understanding that the organization misinterpreted those scriptures in dealing with me. Professionals that I sought out later advised me that what was going on with me was primarily due to short term reckless behavior from the grieving process of the loss of my Dad. In my case, in time my behavior would return to normal. My older Sibling Brother went through something similar. The Elders are not trained professionals in understanding and are headstrong more at looking up needed scriptures to protect the Congregation and not concerned with the healthy welfare of their flock/congregation and advising for you to get help.

(God made us be unique and separate individuals and knowing we do fall short from the Glory of God and not perfect. That is why he sent Jesus Christ for us and Jesus does not get enough respect as to his role in saving mankind.)

My professional work still suffered in which I took a medical leave and upon return, I ended up retiring more than 4 yrs ago much earlier than I wanted to after 23 yrs of service and had not worked since. There is a story there too as to my unusual exit and treatment. Another betrayal of sorts. I am living off the family trust as a caregiver for my Mom and my pension will not mature until another 5 years. At that time I lost my whole social structure. I felt I was not worthy of any salvation or hope. I tried to open the bible to be consoled by scripture. I began to feel it would be in vain so I closed it with tears. At that time I realized I was spiritually broken. After a while, my mind felt it was going to shut down but I struggled. Somehow the Lord God who I knew as Jehovah or Yahweh knew my heart, my desires, dreams, and struggles that he would not tempt me beyond what I could bear and provide a way out. (as in 1 Cor. 10:13)

In time I felt a need to return to a Church. My personality type may have contributed me to abandoning being a Catholic and pursuing this type of religion unaware of the effects it would have on me and any consequences. Just a note incidentally that on October 31st of 2010 I was admitted to the Hospital for just shortness of breath. Two days later I went for an angiogram and was shocked I was headed for triple bypass surgery which was conducted on the 5th day of November, six years to the day after baptism. My Doctor observed what I had was a widow maker situation. He was also amazed at how I manage to stay active and keep up with chores and my Mother. I did discuss the blood issue to my Surgeon the day before my surgery and he said that he could not guarantee not to use any if the need arises. I was type matched with a special wristband so if needed they would use the correct one but after the surgery, my Surgeon did advise me that he did not use any additional blood at all so that was a relief.
Could it be that God was keeping me going to continue to take care of my Mother until this time was the best opportunity to get me checked out? My Sister from Atlanta happened to be in town and stayed until I came home. I am still not up to par as I want to be.

Now, where do I begin to search for spiritual help in my condition? Years ago you would need to search avenues of other bible translations, newspapers, magazines, other religious literature or the library for books and the right Good News and other help. Today you have the internet. I searched the web for answers as well as other churches. I then came across information about the Jehovah’s Witnesses on the internet that was very disturbing.

A video in part of a longer version found on YouTube conducted by a highly educated Professor M. James Penton; he was an elder who left voluntarily from the organization of Jehovah’s Witnesses along with 80 others at that same time stated some of these facts of the religion.

When people leave and since then have no internalized value system.

They either explode or implode ethically and morally.

The elders leave them to think that “I am so sinful that God couldn’t even save me.

That this religion is totally destructive almost like psychological rape in some cases as well as leaves you in tremendous repression especially with the children of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Some ex Jehovah’s Witnesses had their physical health destroyed,
mental health destroyed, even their spiritual health destroyed.

Many simply find it impossible to overcome the experiences that they had.

Many had gone on for 20 yrs with the deepest hurt and deepest bitterness. It is a horrible thing when a religion which claims to be of the God of love when it does this to people. It is so awful.
It is the Pharisees of the 20th/21st century.

I also learned that there have been many occasions of former Jehovah’s Witnesses have committed suicides from the experiences they went through for being put outside of the Congregation. How brutal and mean on part of the Elders and the organization. Some other news learned is that numbers of people have been leaving the Jehovah’s Witness organization as if they are suffering from the Crisis of Conscience or in search of some Christian Freedom. Book titles of author Ray Franz which I have and read. Things posted on the internet exposing the organizations' flaws and inconsistencies. I also recently read the book “The Awakening of a Jehovah's Witness” authored by Diane Wilson. I have 2 of Professor Penton’s books that I got through an inter-library loan from my local library by titles of “Apocalypse Delayed” and “J. W. s and the Third Reich” I plan to go through these the best I can before they are due back soon. This should bring some concern about the way they handle things. I would like to thank Prof. Penton in person for that YouTube video. Also, I have seen some of Rick Fearon’s videos on YouTube as well.

These things came clear to me for me to take a step back and reevaluate my faith and research the truth as to scripture knowledge and understanding without someone lording it over you. The only thing I could and able to do is return to my former religious roots than going into a third religion. A Church and religion that goes back 2,000 years with Peter in the first Pope‘s position. Now I will reexamine all scripture more closely as to how GOD truly wants me to understand it and his true purposes. Especially issues and doctrines brought on by the W.T. Organization that need to be questioned. I have a good open mind to do so now. I pray for that young woman I talked about earlier who was steadfast in the religion of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I do not hold anything against her for bringing me in and introducing me to the religion. Some day I may share my experiences with her so that she can see what the religion is truly is.

About two and a half years ago I came in contact with her in an unusual and unexpected setting. At that time I tried to explain my concerns for that religion. She still remains steadfast for it but she never advances in it or explores these concerns. She had since then after we had went to meetings together married a Catholic man who I also know. Her husband has no objection in me talking to her about the concerns of the Organization. I wonder if God is using me to share these concerns with her and others so they can come to a different conclusion of the Jehovah‘s Witnesses, especially under the Organization. I also pray for others like me who went through this type of experience. I do still have contacts with some former and very few still active Jehovah’s Witnesses who share the same concerns as I do but I will not expose them personally by name so they will not be subjected to the wrongful treatment they could receive from their current or former Elders and the Organization.

There is this old saying that “God works in mysterious ways”.

I was delighted to hear two short stories in chapters 13 and 14 of the book of Daniel. (New American Bible edition) They were edifying short stories intended to instruct, morally instructive, inclined to teach or moralize excessively and skillful in teaching. Interestingly, these two chapters are not in the New World Translation Bible of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I had an experience while doing a Jail Investigation that is very similar in ways that are in Daniel chapter 13 to me. That Investigation was done correctly and I was praised highly for excellent work performed out doing more seasoned Officers. I wonder what else is missing from the Catholic bible and others besides the NWT.

I had to rebuild my strength and courage to approach a Priest. First I had to confide with the one I knew. I called and invited one to my home. One who knows a lot of my family and relatives. We talked for an hour. That meeting gave me the courage to contact one from my former Church who I did not know and after several meetings he suggested I attend the next Men’s Retreat (2009) which was 3 years ago. I went onto the next retreat 6 months later as the Lay Director and gave a well-received scripture theme talk. I did not want to go on without religion with deep hurt and bitterness. I do not want to be lost and feeling without any hope for salvation. I needed a place to worship not only GOD but with Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I still have my ups and downs and continue to err at times. I still have issues I am working on but having better faith and a renewed relationship with Jesus Christ has helped me in moving forward as positive as I can. I am only Human. It is as if Jesus was speaking to me saying live in my word daily. I then remembered his words saying “I am the truth” and “do not be anxious“. His word became nourishment for me.

If I was taught the scriptures from infancy on like Timothy got from his Mother in days of old, it may have kept me much safer and well equipped. I continue to strive to pray, share the scriptures and even discern what I have gotten from them. Satan can destroy my body in many ways and deceptions but he can not take me away from God’s love and his promises. I will continue to the best of my abilities to serve God in union with Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I will attend to the reading of his word with exhortation and teaching. (1 Tim 4:13)

There are many examples of how God used his people and gave them instructions in the scriptures. Just open up the bible and read. There are safeguards and helpful teachings for you there. Also that in 2nd Timothy chapter 3 that “All scripture is inspired by God” and if we use them as we should we “may be competent and equipped for every good work.”

THANK YOU

See more below

I had an unusual visit to my door from 2 Brothers about 2 months after my bypass surgery in November of 2010. The elder brother who was involved with my judicial process was one of them. I was not up to par for any visit and it made me uneasy however interested anyway to see what they wanted. The younger brother who I also knew did initiate the reason for the visit was to talk. I advised them I wasn’t strong enough to talk and why. After telling them that I just recently had a triple bypass and showed them my chest scars to show them I wasn’t lying that the elder Brother became a bit furious and upset. (Personally comes off as bullish) That response made me suspicious and I felt they were there to gather some type of info other than reference me. The younger Brother asked can we come back in a month or so and I said “OK” because I was still curious about what they wanted to know. About 2 weeks later this younger Brother called me one night to see if I was ready to talk and I said “No” even though I could of anyway but I was holding them to the original agreement of at least one month. I heard in the background the elder Brother sounded furious again. The phone call ended and I hadn’t heard from them again. I feel they were on a mission to gather info and it wasn’t related to me. A few days before the memorial of 2012, a Sister who had attended the Kingdom Hall where I went stopped by for a 15-minute visit to my Mother. She had stopped by some years ago to witness to my Mother. I was present with my Mom and her to see what she would say but nothing about religion but she did mention right before she left an invitation referencing the Memorial. Could it be that she was there on a mission to get info similar to the Brothers? She now rarely comes to visit my Mother.

Well, that was the interview of 2012.

The following is new and I want to update and/or add.

This was compiled back in early 2015.

While attending certain meetings using the Bible at my now current Church that I get noticed how I get to whatever book quickly when looking up scriptures. It is the training going to J.W. meetings is what I tell them. When I Lector which is reading scripture during services that I do a great job. My voice is calm and receptive. I contribute that to the Ministry School of J.W.’s. I put feeling into it with great proclaiming. I catch myself with some gestures as well. Sometimes I surprise myself in how it all comes out. My Priest likes it when he learns that I am assigned to Lector for any special Masses during the year like Easter, Christmas, Confirmation and the like. An older Lector and I are the strongest readers in our Church.

When I was at my first Weekend Retreat in 2009 at the former Church I returned to, I heard a guy give his witness story. He mentioned that his Dad was a Jehovah's Witness. He hated the Jehovah’s Witnesses on the blood issue. His Dad needed some needed medical help with the use of blood. His Dad was steadfast in not taking in any blood. His Dad soon later died after not electing the Doctor’s to use blood and his Son hated the J.W.’s for letting his Dad die. Even though I did not include that in my written story above that I did mention it anyway during this interview. I advised that Son about the interview and he was sorry to have missed it even though I had informed him ahead of time. I told him later that I did mention his Dad’s situation.

My Mother now 82 dementia has progressed even more with sundowners. She needs more supervision which we hired more help. I can not take care and watch her as I have been doing. It has affected my health evermore. Now my Siblings have been stepping in more even recognizing that I need the rest and to work on myself. Boy, I could tell you more but not here.

About that brown box at my second judicial hearing, a listener came in after the interview to express an idea about it. That listener thinks that it may have been a tape recorder. It was further explained that the Elders may want at the hearing a recording. Possible for future action thinking of a lawsuit or criminal action. Also, I may be somewhat intimidating to them for I was a sworn-in Deputy Sheriff and if I was in a position of hearing of some wrongdoings that goes on that I may pursue investigations from the Police. They may be hiding some questionable things that may warrant Police action like protecting certain pedophilia actions within the Congregations and other related things. I recently heard of the quiet things that go on. They may of just finally wanted me gone and just thinking about that Elder saying “that it may take years and years to get reinstated” may be suggestive for me to just stay away. They may have thought that after my Baptism that I would eventually resign from the Sheriff’s Dept and pursue other employment. Then I could be one of the good ole boys.

I said “they are so obsessed with keeping their Congregation clean. They keep detailed records on you even your transgressions even before being baptized while in a bible study with a Brother reporting confidential conversation to them.” I thought that God forgets what you have done when you repent that he never brings it up again. So why do the Elders keep records on you? Compare Matthew 18:22 that you need not only to forgive up to seven times but up to seventy-seven times.

During that second hour, another listener came in and advised me to call her. She had Professor M. James Penton’s home phone number. She gave it to me because I, in fact, wanted to thank him for his work exposing what he said on YouTube and his books. I never got to call him but still would like to. I now can’t remember where I put his number. I would even like to meet him.

Now back at the Catholic Church a place of my religious roots. At times when I need to, I would compare The New American Bible translations (The Bible I utilize now) to the N.W.T. Bible. Right now mentally I need to stay put in my Church. It is still terrifying some to ever contemplate switching to some other at this time. I do respect the Bible Students and while on I take into consideration what is brought up even comments on the history of the Catholic Church. I like everyone's comments and fellowship. During the Bible Studies night, I tend to my Mother even to a point needing to mute my phone. I have it on speaker and still listen while tending to her.

One thing that has changed with the Catholic Church is when Confirmation is given. When I was in the 3rd grade we got our first Communion in the fall with Confirmation to follow in late spring before school was out for the summer. I said earlier “When I went through my first communion with confirmation soon afterward, at this time I did not actually know how important it was as to our faith. It was like I was being pushed through the motions because of what was expected of family obligations, expectations, and Catholic school class requirements.” Now students Confirmation isn’t till when they are in the 9th grade. What I get of this that they are more mature in understanding how important it is to confirm their Baptism as being a Catholic when their Parents got them baptized about 2 weeks after birth. If I was confirmed later like in the 9th grade instead of the 3rd grade then I may have been better equipped.

I feel I have been through something like when Ray Franz left the Organization about having nothing left in life and how to survive ever now. I have not worked for 7 years now and currently seeking assistance in my own health needs. My Sisters have arranged for paid help for our Mother from 8 am to 10 pm so I can work on myself. I am under severe Caregiver Burnout. I have been doing this even since my Dad died 9 years ago even to a point taking over doing some heavy things around the home for him some years before he died. My main physician advised me to apply for Social Security disability. I can say that what keeps me going is my strong faithful Christian Brothers and Sisters in Christ. My faith in the soon to come to GOD’s Kingdom with GOD, Jesus and the workings of the Holy Spirit.

Scandals: Church, Congregational or Kingdom Hall - Will always be there, act and handle appropriately. There will be at times some type of scandal within any type of Church or Faith. Act faithfully with endurance. It is unpredictable. Pray that it does not happen within your own Church or Congregation. When I said earlier “I do respect the Bible Students and while on I take into consideration what is brought up even comments of history of the Catholic Church“ is this. I feel we should have an open mind and freely disagree with some things meaning that any religious faith is not perfect. The main focus is that we are honestly following bible scriptures in our life as Christians to what we interpret them to be the way GOD inspires us. I like to add the following which came from a conference talk given by a Catholic Priest.

Remember Wolves in Sheep’s clothing - Acts 20:29,30.

He started with John 6:70,71 -- Jesus answered them, “Did I not choose you twelve? Yet is not one of you a devil?” He was referring to Judas, son of Simon the Iscariot; it was he who would betray him, one of the Twelve.

He then went on to explain. Judas stayed with our Lord Jesus even though he didn’t believe it. Judas stayed with Jesus because he saw our Lord and his ministry as a means to personal gain. He followed our Lord only out of self-interest; only out of personal ambition in just the same way that so many other corrupt clergymen, priests and religious have all down through the centuries to this day. He then asked us “Did you ever wonder why our Lord Jesus chose Judas to be one of the Twelve Apostles?” He further explained. Our Lord Jesus chose Judas to be one of the Twelve Apostles knowing all along, knowing from all eternity in fact that Judas would be the one to betray him and he chose Judas anyway. Why? Now GOD never took away Judas’ free will. Judas freely willingly chose to betray our Lord Jesus and our Lord knew he would do it and he chose him anyway. Why is it we see it is very clear. Our Lord Jesus chose Judas to be an everlasting reminder for us that we have to live with scandals in the Church. Jesus said scandals must indeed come but woo to that man by whom they come. Better for that man that he would have never been born. Better for that man that would have a millstone hung around his neck and be cast into the depths of the sea than scandalize one of these little ones that believes in me.

You see Judas is for us an everlasting reminder that not every shepherd is a good shepherd. Not every Priest is a good Priest or a faithful Priest or Holy Priest. In Judas, our Lord Jesus was warning us that wolves would come in the sheepfolds. So when you read about scandals in the Church and moral corruption among the Clergy so you know friends you should not be too shocked by what they should never shake your faith. That should never shake your faith in Jesus Christ or the Church he founded. If it ever does, please try to remember always that our Lord Jesus left us Judas as a warning. Now, these people have trouble, some trouble understanding how it was that Judas came to betray our Lord and what it was that caused Judas to lose his faith. The answer is in John chapter 6. Some of the holy ones wrote about it. You see Judas did not believe that our Lord Jesus could give his flesh and blood to be our spiritual food and drink. Judas did not believe in the revelation of the Holy Eucharist.

This came from a Catholic Priest. When he said Church, I feel it can also refer to other Faith Religions, Congregations, and ones who minister in their way and the like. Being from a Catholic background this Priest is firm of the Catholic teachings and he even has witnessed while traveling the Country giving talks of poor Priests not doing their job guiding their flocks the congregation (the Parish). I have met him in person at one of these talks. If we would have more of these type Priests out in Parishes then the Catholics could have a better role in the world of Christian teachings and understanding and putting them in their lives. In these later years, the work of evangelizing (and the word ‘Evangelize’ associated with Catholics) is going on in the Catholic Church where I never heard of it before. I have for now elected to stay put trying to what one friend told me that I am ministering in bringing Catholics into the accurate knowledge of GOD and his purposes. I have mentioned many times during some meetings that the average Catholic rarely opens up the Bible to read what is there. I was one of them until I went to the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses and their meetings. I am better equipped to discern and explain scripture more easily to Catholics. This one Priest has advised everyone to get back to the Bible, get back to the Bible. In another talk he said it another way ‘To the Laity’ I say first - Get back to the BIBLE. Get it off the shelf and dust it off. Put away the dime store novels and the TV guide. Get back to the practice of meditating on the inspired word of GOD. So right now I will ever be motivated to teach Catholics the accurate knowledge of GOD without any organizational doctrines in the way. Don’t get me wrong though that I do believe in some structure and being organized as long as it goes with scripture understanding. One thing that I observe also is that the average Catholic even though hearing of Jesus’ second coming in scripture or in the Masses that they does not know how close we are that day is close and at hand. I mention that while in discussion with members of the Catholic faith. One of these talks, a Priest even mentioned how close we are of Jesus’ coming but the average Priest rarely mentions it. So for right now, I feel that God is using me to convey these messages while time is still left. I also have family obligations with my aging Mother to tend to so some changes can be detrimental in my life. All I ask is continued encouragement and support in my efforts that I am doing the Will of GOD.

The Following is always on my mind.

If my story above should be put on the ‘Ask Jacqueline’ site
the following can be omitted unless it is beneficial in my case
and story but is always on my mind.
The last part describes generally who I am.
It does not need to be added as well.

Again this was written in 2015.

1) 144,000 (Anointed) (Small Crowd / Large Crowd) Saints, Holy Ones.
2) Blood Issue - Reference my Surgery
3) Cross, Tree, Stake - It is all wood.
4) Sins Forgotten - Keeping a Record / Matt 18:22 up to 77x
5) Partaking of the Bread and Wine
6) Gun Issue 1 Peter 2:13,17 & Romans 13:1
7) Going out in Service in Suits - It looks intimidating
8) Going Door to Door - What about other avenues? TV?
9) Songs at K.H. - not joyous enough
10) Being an Organized God - Not today with people's lifestyles.
11) Hours logged going out in service, why necessary?
12) Never Apologize for Errors in Doctrines and Teachings
Wishy-Washy, Flip-Flopping Teachings
Zig Zagging Doctrines, To & Fro Conscience (Diane Wilson)
13) Raping of my Spirit by the W.T. Society - Spiritual Rape
14) Not enough emphasis and respect for Jesus’ role
15) The Good Ole Boys' attitude.
16) Treating the Flock like Robots.
17) J.W.s - Not happy People for what I see. It seems like slavery to the Organization.
18) Befit of Repentance doing Penance. I get several explanations. Jehovah Disciplines - Not Elders.
19) Prayers will be answered in time ref ‘18’ above.
20) Higher Education - They say to be out in service is better but I see that added education can Benefit Mankind. We need to chose wisely what actually would benefit. Do not pursue worldly goals and positions.
21) 7 Billion on Earth (P above) All different Personalities and
Comprehension as to Understanding Scripture - Give Chance
22) Voting - Responsibility to replace poor Office Holders. ‘6’ above

23) Scandals: Church or K.H. - Will always be there, act appropriately. There will be at times some type of scandal within any type of Church or Faith. Act faithfully with endurance. It is unpredictable. Pray that it does not happen within yours.
24) The Trinity
25) J.W. and the Organization (W.T. Society) Too Complicated and ever-changing. Like an indecisive religion.
26) Monetary Worth of the W.T. Society Organization.

I am basically a High School graduate with very little extra schooling but that was only related to work classes and training for employment.

I appear to have a younger appearance as to my age with average health history up until November 2010 when I had an unexpected triple bypass at the age of 52. It is in the family genes.

My religion history is that I was a born and baptized Catholic who became a baptized Jehovah's Witness and now returned to my former religious roots for now.

I love Aviation, Commercial Semi Truck Driving, Bicycling, Jogging, Model Building, Gardening and working out in the Yard, I had raised Cockatiels and still have 7 and a new interest in history to the truth of any matter that comes forward especially if its related to religion as well as what to expect in future events that God has in store for us.
I had the opportunity to fly the Concorde back in 1994.

Work History: Initial first jobs starting at the age of 14

Dishwasher, Cook, Hardware Store Stocker, Auto Parts Store Stocker, Counterman, Machine Shop and Parts Delivery. Then onto Steel Mill Laborer and Asst Labor Foreman for 3 yrs to a Lay Off Status. While on Lay Off I unloaded Trucks for several McDonald’s Stores with some Maintenance Work to pay the bills.

Then at the age of 26 was hired into our Local County Jail serving as
Jail Officer to Jail Sgt with Supervisory Duties, Court Security Cpl, Supervising Booking Sgt, Jail Classification Sgt, Breathalyzer Operator, Jail Transportation of Inmates, Extraditions even carrying firearms on planes, Reserve Patrol Officer and Sgt, and Rescue / Recovery Scuba Diver.

I am not proud of some of the duties I had to perform and follow what was expected of me as an Officer in the Jail. It had an impact on me through later years.
October 2019

The Following is further on my mind.

1) My mind is still out on the Trinity Catholic doctrine. I have some thoughts about it comparing what I was taught in the Catholic faith and when a J.W. Brother was going through the Watchtower publication about dissecting that Trinity doctrine. I hope I will write a conclusion as I interpret the idea of the Trinity and how I understand it to be.
2) The 144,000.
3) About our Christian duty in voting in true honest Government Officials and to vote out those against GOD’s ideals.
4) Why not in the past the Watchtower Society help the world poor in Medical and Monetary assistance?
5) I like to explain how Catholics understand what ‘Purgatory’ is to them.
6) Repetitive praying.
7) During my 2nd judicial hearing with outside Elders and that ‘Brown Box’. A thought came to mind that a gun was hidden in it for use in case I would go ‘Postal’ with my own gun and for those Elders to defend themselves with. How often do 2nd judicial (the appeal one) hearings are they? The original three Elders from my congregation never sat through one. As a Law Enforcement Office at that time, our American Judicial process we have the right to appeal our court decision as I elected to do since the 1st judicial hearing final decision was too harsh indeed.
8) I still yet like to give Professor M. James Penton a call to thank him for his You Tube video and books.
9) I pray and hope to share more ideas and beliefs.

Update to myself November 2019

I am now 61 years of age.

Since I have composed my interview story in early 2015, my Mother passed away at the age of 83 in October 2015. In April 2015, she broke her right femur falling in our living room one morning. She yelled for help and I called 911 and she was taken to the hospital in which a rod was placed in her femur the next day. Not even a week she developed huge bedsore on her bottom which never healed after a debridement. She never came home and passed away 6 months later in a nursing home after her dementia took over. The last week she didn’t know what food was for and she stopped eating for a week. We tried our best to get her to eat spooning food to her. I was elected to choose the readings, prayers, and songs for her Funeral Mass. I read the readings at the Ambo with my one Sister standing by in case I got emotional and couldn’t finish. Our Priest who was fond of me was impressed with what I selected and he was so relaxed doing the service. He did comment to all in presence of how I did a good job in preparation. We gave her a good funeral and a cousin of mine was commented that it was the best funeral Mass she attended relaying that to her mom (my Dad’s Sister) my aunt who could not attend from Florida.

Well after that I continued to live at my Mom’s house while my Sisters were working on liquidating my Mom’s assets to her beneficiaries. At that time where would I go? That Priest at the funeral who was fond of me and knew of my predicament had something in line for me to do for the Parish. He trusted in me with long knowledge of our Parish history in which he had me serve on the Pastoral Council for 5 years (a 3-year term). He even would have trusted me with his widowed father asking me to go with him on a Panama cruise ship as his caretaker all-expense paid trip which I couldn’t go.

About 6 years ago, our Parish 166-year-old Cemetery was full. Parishioners wanted to be buried here. It came about conveniently adjacent land was up for sale and we were approached first to act on it. After several prices we were given, we accepted to purchase it. The best areas were cleared of trees, a new drive put in and a Shelter was built with 2 Columbariums from a $100,000 donation from a retired Cardiologist and his wife. The newly acquired land came with a single level 3 bedroom house which is now the Cemetery Sexton’s home. I am the Cemetery Sexton and now living in it with a job to take care of the Cemetery. I take care of the Cemetery for the rent however I am responsible for the utility bills. The Church my Parish looked out after me and took care of my predicament when I had to leave my Mother’s home. Our Priest asked me what does it take to make this house more decently livable. He granted funds for new windows, remodeled bathroom, update all electrical with some enhancements, new utility room floor and paint all ’50s looking walls. I did a lot of the work myself especially a lot of hours for the bathroom. More work is needed however waiting for extra funding and permission to do so from our new Priest of 2 years. Now I have been a Sexton for 4 years now. Just to note is that my folks, Gr parents and Gr-Gr parents are buried only 180 paces from the house. I can easily see then every day. The only odd thing is when mowing over them; I have to say Hi Mom, Hi Dad, Hi Gr Pa, Gr ma.

For the last 3 years, I have been working above and beyond what our Priest asked of me. I have been clearing overgrowth in the useless areas down in the bottomland by our east border edge which is the west side of a creek. We have a quarter-mile of creek edge which is all cleared and I have a nice area to walk along with it. You can see the creek now easily from above. I have about 40 piles of tree waste to burn which I have an Indiana State burn permit good for one year. Many folks who come to visit or see their loved ones graves have commented how this 166-year-old Cemetery looks now. I have many projects (like new drive in old area, face-lift to a 1933 grotto and shed, water and electric to the Shelter, stations of the cross, replace 140 foot of fence line, and some professional tree trimming) in mind to do within the grounds which I have many supporters but we need to ask for donations.

Brother Henry came to visit me one day and we took a walk into the Cemetery to show him what I do. I invite all my Christian Brothers and Sisters over anytime and offer up a walk around the grounds even down by the creek. Many times I take nightly walks down by the creek with a flashlight and encounter many nocturnal animals on the way.

I have now 4 cockatiels in which the oldest one a female is at 18 years and looking still great. She is the mother of the other three which are males. They all like me and several would hang out with me in the living room until they want to go back.

At the time my Mom passed away, I was scheduled to go to central Illinois for a retreat. I had to cancel and had to miss that good Priest I mentioned earlier reference “Remember Wolves in Sheep’s clothing” and “Scandals in the Church”. He is a good Priest in bible guidance and knowledge. I did meet him twice in September of 2012 at a six-night Parish Mission Conference in Kokomo, Indiana. It was being filmed for a series ‘Thirst for Truth – Battle for Souls’. I have the six C/D Mission talk. I took a carload of ladies two of those nights. Now when I had to cancel in 2015 that trip, my friends who went advised this Fr. Bill Casey (Fathers of Mercy) of my Mom’s passing that I had to cancel coming. He did give them a C/D of one of his ‘GOD HAVE MERCY ON US!’ talk signing it to me Jeff. He is one Priest that I admire for he knows of the troubles within the Catholic Church and unfaithful and controversial Priests.

The following additional verses were connected to my retreat scripture witness story that I gave in October of 2009 at my Church. This is the story that I mentioned that I composed of my Richard Rawe interview on the Six Screen of the Watchtower.

(Additional Verses)

Ephesians 6:4 * Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord.

Proverbs 22:6 * Train a boy in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not swerve from it.

Deuteronomy 6:7 * Drill them into your children. Speak to them at home and abroad, whether you are busy or at rest.

Galatians 6:2 * Bear one another burdens, and so you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Hebrews 4:12 * Indeed, the word of God is living and effective, sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating even between soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and able to discern reflections and thoughts of the heart.

1 Corinthians 10:13 * No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial, he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it.

1 Peter 2:13,17 * Be subject to every human institution for the Lords sake Whether it be to the king as supreme ….. Give honor to all, love the community, fear God, honor the king.

Romans 13:1,6,7 * Let every person be subordinate to the higher authorities, for there is not authority except from God, and those that exist have been established by God. …. This is why you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, devoting themselves to this very thing. Pay to all their dues, taxes to whom taxes are due, toll to whom toll is due, respect to whom respect is due, honor to whom honor is due.

(Misc. for meditation) Ephesians 4:22-24, Colossians 3:9,10, Ephesians 6:13-17, Titus 3:1
Jeremiah 1:9, 15:16, Ps 42:4,8, Proverbs 13:20, 1 Peter 3:15, Luke 9:23, 1 Timothy 5:3-8

Book of Daniel:

Chapters 1-5: King Nebuchadnezzar, Chapter 6-12: other writings,
Chapter 13: Incident of Susanna’s Virtue, Chapter 14: Daniel and the Lions Den

If I only knew of these other verses earlier, my life would have been different and better.

Ps 1:1, 146:3, Proverbs 9:10, 91:20, 29:21, Isaiah 54:17, Jeremiah 10:23, 17:5,9,
Matthew 10:22, John 15:19, Romans 6:16, I Corinthians 7:23, 2 Corinthians 6:14,
2 Timothy 3:1-9, James 1:22, 1 Peter 5:8, 1 John 2:15, 5:19

(Good one to think about) 1 Corinthians 15:33 * Do not be led astray: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” or another translation - Do not be misled. Bad associations spoil useful habits.